Wednesday, September 25, 2013

27 and SINGLE

I have heard more than once "Yours so great, I can't believe your still single." Yeah, me neither pal.  I've  even been told "You better hurry up, time's running out".  Really?  I couldn't hear my biological clock ticking, thanks for the reminder.   It's almost as wise as the mortgage broker who told me I should consider paying off my student debt to be able to afford a nicer house. REALLY? All this time I've kept over $100,000 in the bank and didn't know what to do with it. Why didn't I think of that? WHAT A LIFE SAVER.

I never thought I'd be single at 27. Believe me, I am just as surprised as all of you.  At 16 I was convinced I'd be married, barefoot and pregnant by 21 at the latest.  At 16 I knew what my husband would look like, what my babies names would be, and what color drapes they would have in their mansion bedroom (I'm still not really sure I know the difference between drapes and  curtains). I am sure a lot of you women out there thought the same thing.    It didn't work out that way.  It's gotten to the point where I started to believe I was the problem.  But wait, am I the problem or is what I am willing to accept for myself the problem?

My Mom Mom once said to me while talking about my grandpop, bless her heart, "Elyse, your so lucky you don't have any men".  Ummm, is that a backhanded compliment? Am I lucky MeMau?
No, moon pie is not lucky.

What's all the stigma around being single?  I bet a lot of you are like "Omg, I can't believe she said the S word!!".  Is it like the Scarlet Letter then?  Maybe I'll consider getting an S put on my shirts like in that really funny movie I love with the red head girl that I can't think of the name of.  Oh yeah, EASY A!! What a funny little comedy. 

So, I thought on the day of the celebration of my 27 years on this Earth I should break down for those why in fact I am still single.  Maybe this even relates to some of you women who are similar to me.  So with that being said--


I want to believe people will change
I have a terrible habit of seeing the absolute best in people and thinking yep, they can change. FACT: People don't change. People are who they are and you either accept what they are offering or you don't.  It's like Seven, the dog currently residing with us.  Every time I come home he cries and cries until I pick him up and tell him things like "Look at that good boy" "What a good boy you are?"  Every time I come home, I think maybe he got over it, he probably will sense my tiredness and leave me alone. NOPE.  If dog's can't change the way they are, neither can people.
That's Seven. He also does the cry thing at night. Up, down, in and out of bed, cry on my face, jump around waiting for Chad to get home. I get up I curse at him until I slam doors and then I remember the windows are open and the neighbors probably think I am abusing Chad.   Every night I think, maybe he'll just sleep. NOPE. Like I said, if dog's can't change (and they don't have shit to lose by changing) why should people.

I pass up seemingly good opportunities
I'll meet a guy and everyone will think they are AMAZING.  Not as amazing as me, of course.  But none the less, amazing.  I'll think they are amazing too--for awhile.   Then, I'll get tired of how amazing they are and I'll think---What do they want with me? Certainly not my college loans that I don't have in the bank to pay off my college loans.  And, I'll end it. Usually I'll end it because I'll think the grass is greener--which it isn't.

I chose men who are emotionally unavailable
I have a tendency to date men whose widest emotional range is: Yelling at the TV during a football game and  laughing at a raunchy poorly told bar joke.  There is no in-between on that.  They also tend to only care about their own feelings, not others.  I care so much about if other people are happy I frequently over look that in fact I am not.  I can't remember the last time a man asked me how my day was. 

I settle for less than I deserve
I am a pretty easy woman to deal with.  I love Shop Rite colorful daisies that cost $7.99.  It's the simple things that make me happy.  I unfortunately, never even get the simple things from the people I chose.  Really, you can't get off your ass and go get my shop rite flowers on my birthday?  My problem I am so considerate of peoples feelings, who are far less considerate of mine.   I wise person once said "When you settle for less than you deserve you often end up with even less than you settled for".  That has to be true, because I read it on the internet.  They can't put anything on the internet that isn't true.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide
 I have dated a couple men I would consider to have split personality disorder. It's all "your amazing" then it's silence. Silence. Silence.  Then, they reappear and I (because I think everyone can change) say "Hey Mr.s Hyde, is that a new shirt? You look great".  And Mr. Hyde is great--considerate, loving, thoughtful, etc.  Then, here comes Dr. Jekyll again with his silence.  Oh hello Dr. Jekyll, did you forget something the last time you were here?

I put others needs before my own
I saw a therapist once, and she was great.  She understood me exactly.  Unfortunately, her copay was high.  If I never saw that therapist, I'd have $120.00 in my pocket and I could pay 0.00000000002% of my college loan debt Mr. Mortgage man. How fiscally irresponsible of me.   Anyway, she told me I had something called "Baby bird broken wing syndrome".  It means someone who believes they can aide in fixing others (which is kind of her job, isn't it?). It is someone who nurtures, gives others everything she has, and help others fix themselves.  But, hoping and praying and being there for the baby bird ain't gonna fix him. 

So women, I have to assume I am single like a lot of you are single.  How do we find the right guys?
 It's not online dating---been there, done that
It's not in the bar---drunk and stupid is no way to go through life
 It's not in the grocery store---Who dresses their best to go there and who is thinking of anything else besides food?
And lastly it's certainly not at a WEDDING. If one more person say's "There will be a ton of single guys at this wedding, maybe you'll meet someone"  I am going to karate chop them in the throat. The whole "single guy at a wedding" thing is a joke.  Men at weddings aren't thinking "Wow, I hope I meet the right girl and settle down so I can get married and spend $45,000 on a wedding too".

So with that being said--if you know someone who is in fact also great I am accepting resumes.  My ad goes a little bit like this---

Seeking: occasional hand holding,  beach loving, craft beer drinking, shop rite flower buying type of guy who is gainfully employed.  Enjoys home cooked meals, crappy scary movies,  and someone who is thoughtful and kind. 

I vow to myself in my 27th year of life I will no longer accept less than I deserve. I also vowed that at 26,25,24,23, yada, yada, yada, yada.  
Jerry Seinfeld:"But you yada yada'd over the best part!!" 
Elaine: "No, I mentioned the bisque."