Thursday, August 21, 2014

What Does Plus Size Mean?

   So Tuesday I was bartending and minding my own business,  entertaining my crowd--of two patrons when one says to me "For being a queen sized girl you don't have cankles."  For being someone who likes to drink he appeared to not get the correlation of not pissing off the bartender and the amount of drinks he would be served.  Perhaps,  he learned a little something from me that night about saying dumb shit.

   My first inclination was not even to be offended but it was to think "What the hell does that mean?"  Do all women who aren't tiny have cankles?  Does he know a lot of women with cankles?  Do cankles in some way determine your self worth?  This is all so confusing.  My exact response to him without even hesitating or blinking was  "I'm pretty as shit though".  I know I am pretty.  I feel everyone woman should know they are pretty.  I take very good care of myself,  get my hair done,  do my makeup, always dress nice, etc.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am worth something in this world.  I will be damned sure no large man at the bar is going to change the way I feel about myself.


First things first:  
1.  I have fantastic legs
2. I do not have cankles
3.  I am not a size zero
4. What the hell does plus size even mean?

    These legs and regular size ankles can do amazing things.  They can backsquat almost 200 lbs.  These not flabby toned arms can push jerk 150 pounds at a moments notice.  So, I  continue to contemplate,  what makes me "queen sized"?  Is it my boobs?  They are big.  Nothing I can do about that.  I was the first girl to get boobs when I was like 14-15.  It runs in my family.  One day I woke up and I was like...umm what are these?  It was kinda like Big where Tom Hanks wakes up and he's thinking...What happened here last night?  And he searches for Zultar in the machine to solve all of his problems.  Alas, for me there was no Zultar,  just big boobs. 

    I remember when Guess clothing was big when I was like in 9th grade.  I couldn't wear those clothes.  If the shirt said Guess on a small chested girl on me it would say GU on the front and the ESS would be stretched out under my armpit and halfway onto my back.  I still struggle with buttons.  I have accepted that about myself.  When I began my journey to fitness and physical health I lost 60 pounds.  You know where I have never lost an ounce?  My boobs.  They went from being a size 36DD to a size...36DD.  
    I did some research.  The average size of women in the United States is a size 12,  not zero.  So,  by that standard,  I am average.    This is what average truly looks like:

All of the women above are average and still astoundingly beautiful.   TAKE THAT 'Merica.

    Plus size would infer that my size has some sort of plus attached to it.  I have never seen a plus on my clothes.  I have never shopped in a plus sized store of a section of a store that has plus sized attached to it. And even if I did, would that make me less of a desirable woman? and Why?   I am okay with average,  why wasn't this man at the bar? and.....WHO GIVES A SHIT, is what this blogger wants to know.  

    No offense to the size zeros out there.  Go head with your bad self.  I have fond memories of when I was a size zero.  It does however date back to when my mom used to dress me.  I believe it was a size 0-3 months.  Sonny (Santino Joseph the cutest baby to ever live and the light of my life)
used to be size 0-3 months too.  But he grew.  We all grew.  That's what we do as humans.   We cannot remain 2 foot tall and tiny our whole lives.  Our bodies grow,  and if we care for them right we can be AVERAGE AND HEALTHY.    Average just got FAN-TAS-TIC as far as I'm concerned.  If I could feel as good about being AVERAGE in everything else I do as I do about being size AVERAGE my life would be grand.  Of course all of my work wouldn't be spectacular, but hey,  let's not get tangled up in the deets.

   I think because someone is not super model skinny we as a society determine they are not healthy.  This is not true at all.  I recently looked at something someone posted on facebook about "fatkini" and how it was taking over Instagram.  My curiosity got the best of me and I searched the hashtag.  Half the women who tagged themselves as "fatkini" were what I would call AVERAGE.  Not fat at all.  Like me,  they weren't tiny,  but they weren't fat.  Such a shame this society makes average women feel sub-par. Good for them that they except their size.  Just like me,  maybe some of them are super healthy.  I eat mostly organic clean meals,  exercise,  go to the doctors, get blood work, and take good care of my health.  Some  of them were rather large, and did not look healthy.  But last time I checked,  I do not have an MD.  I already owe Universities my first born,  no reason to have to give them my favorite puppy too to pay off my debts.

   I know a lot of skinny people who are not healthy.  Don't judge a book by it's size,  not all books are created equal, blah blah blah.  The assumption that someone is not healthy based on their size may be true in some instances, and not true in others.    My mom is a nurse so I get the health speech quite frequently.  When I was a kid we didn't even have good snacks in my house.  We had diet soda that was only for my mom to bring to work,  Gingersnaps, and hard pretzels.  Needless to say, my friends never came over because I had nothing to offer.  " Hey come on over and watch a movie,  we can eat hard pretzels and drink water as late as we want!!!"  

   I work with blind children and do you know what the most beautiful thing about them is:  they judge others based on how they are treated by them.  My one little girls once called a little boy "kind".  She liked him (as a boyfriend whew whew whew) because he was good to her.  He was nice to her, looked out for her,  and was KIND.  What a different world we would all live in if we based our assumptions of others on how they treated us.

   Back to the jean size thing,  this blogger feels if the world could agree on one UNIVERSAL jean measurement scale that women would no longer be at odds with each other.  We would all get along,  I assure you of that.  I go to Macy's and I buy a perfect $100 pair of size 12 jeans that fit awesome.  My but looks fab,  my thighs look amazing, and I am generally happy as a pig in shit.  Then I walk my size 12 ass down to Urban Outfitters and the girl tells me I'm a size 16 and I need the high rise jeans.  Did I gain 30 pounds on the walk over here?  Hello mom jeans and flat ass (no offense mom,  but let's upgrade your jeans).  I immediately scowl at the girls who suggested I am 4 sizes bigger than I actually am,  and mentally put her on the list of humans I dislike.  If this had never happened,  perhaps her and I could have been friends.  But,  jean manufacturers ruined that notion.  

 I think Meghan Trainer said it best in her new song:

I'm bringing booty back
Go ahead and tell them skinny bitches that
No I'm just playing I know you think you're fat
But I'm here to tell ya
Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top

Oh and to the man who called me QUEEN SIZED, thank you,  I've always known I was a queen.  Just been waiting for my crown........

Make it a size 12, please.