Hi, my name is Elyse and I am a Sugar Addict

      There is a darkness inside of me.  It's sugar.  I used to think I had this darkness under control.  I have come to the realization I do not.  I heard once (maybe on Intervention or SVU?) the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.  Here I am admitting it,  before it turns into me mainlining granulated sugar off of a teaspoon.  From there it may move to me heating that teaspoon with a lighter underneath and drinking the sugary syrup byproduct.  Either way, it's a bad scene like most clubs in the 70's.  I need to clear my conscious before I delve too deeply into this under world. 

      Sugar Addiction is real.  Who knew?  It has all the top docs talking because it really does present with signs, symptoms, and withdraw.  Withdraw is a BITCH.  The kind of bitch you see in the street and abruptly turn on your heels and head the other direction because you want to avoid her resting bitch face.  I mean I've just heard that.  I've been a sugar addict so long I haven't had withdraw yet,  but if I had I bet it would feel just like that.  I didn't even know I was a sugar addict.  Until,  recently when I confronted my demons.

      My problem is simple--once I start, I can't stop.  Some people are addicted to pastries, cake, Oreos, etc.  Not me--I am addicted to candy--- DAMMIT HARIBO GUMMY BEARS STOP MAKING SUCH SWEET AND DELICIOUS FRUIT FILLED MONSTERS.

       My office is surrounded by cubicles.  One particular cubicle has someone I like to call my work mom.  She knows I love Milk Chocolate Hershey Nuggets.  She keeps these Nuggets in her top left hand drawer just for me.    I usually eat one after lunch.  If I skip this ritual and pass her desk without stopping,  I get anxious. My palms start to sweat and I can't stop thinking about it.  Maybe not that serious, but you get the idea.  It starts with a nugget,  then I get home from work and eat a half bag of Sour Patch Kids,  which I don't even like because they burn the roof of my mouth or something,  but they are there from Easter so I eat them anyway.  Then on the way out the door I grab 6 or 7 jelly beans I have for "company" (who the hell comes over my house anyway?).   Then I get to my bartending job and the cook has purchased one of those "can feed a small country" size bags of the mixed chocolate from BJ's.  Here we go with me passing by that mini twix and getting the sugar sweats.

       At Valentine's Day my kiddos love to give me all sorts of candy.  I will average about 5 of those mini heart shaped boxes filled with candy.  It will start with me opening it and only eating the caramels.  Then,  I'll take bites of the ones no one even likes like "fudge coconut nougat".  It will be gross.  So I'll try the next one.  Gross again.  I'll bite all 6 in the box then throw the box away.  If my kids knew I did this,  maybe they would stop buying me the mix box and only get me the caramels--which would only escalate my addiction.  I'd probably end up putting all 6 in my hand at one time and shoveling them in like a trash truck dropping off it's daily haul at the county dump.

      Study related evidence suggests a dependency on sugar may lead some people to show addict-like behaviors. Sugar even affects the same "feel-good" brain hormones as street drugs. So for me and I am sure many of you

1. Sugar Cravings at Consistent Times: CHECK
2. Discomfort when cutting back: CHECK
3. Mood Swings when you do not ingest sugar: CHECK
4.  Irrational Thinking: CHECK
5.  Binge eating other foods: CHECK

      So,  how do I plan to recover?  I plan to go cold turkey.  By cold turkey I mean watch other people eat sugar and have a friend tie my hands behind my back when I get the urge.    It's really only candy I want to eat.  Cake, donuts, etc. I can skip for the rest of my life.  I should be good to go unless I surround myself with a bunch of screaming 6 year olds eating gummy worms like there is no tomorrow.  Or,  if I am at the movies and all 120 patrons are eating that $6.78 candy they sell out front.  Or,  if I am in the grocery store and some super mom is shoving peachieo's down her kids throat to keep him from flipping the cart in the store like the little hulk strength HANGRY kids without sugar usually get.  Or,  if I am at a tee-ball game where everyone is eating candy in the stands.  Why would I be at a tee-ball game?  I don't know,  but I have to make sure I mentally cover every single scenario possible. Plus, my nephew is 3 months old so in 4 years he will be playing tee-ball.  I need to plan for the future.

      So, basically if I go no where and lock myself in my house with all of my jellybeans out front on the steps for the deer.  Even then,  it may come down to a fist fight with the deer once I realize I have given them my only stash of gold.


The good thing is I know I am not suffering alone.  See below:

      This is me talking to my sister and cousin about my new way of eating which I am working on with my crossfit coach Ron Ron Orbin.   His new way of eating does not include highly processed sugar foods.  Like I said, I am going cold turkey.  Minus the fact I admitted to him last night I ate a "fun size" (not a thing fun about that small ass size) Sour Patch Kids while bartending.  He, like always, used a ton of medical terms I hardly understand which scared me straight (like the show for teenagers, minus the prison).  The only thing I understood was diabetes,  which my family calls "the sugar".  When referencing someone recently diagnosed with Diabetes it wouldn't be uncommon to hear someone in my family say " Yes,  they have the sugar". 

I am not alone.   People all over the world are suffering.  Let's stop the madness.

I hope this post helped you also recognize your sugar addiction and find salvation. If not,  I hope it made you laugh.

Porkette

       Pork is truly an underused meat. Now, don't go crazy on me here---I am not a big fan of pork chops.  When I was a kid my dad used to make "chicken cutlets",  but really they were pork cutlets that he paraded around as chicken.  They did nothing for me.  Bland, fatty, and porky.  In my older age I've had some good pork---but nothing as good as Porkette. 

       Something disturbing happened to me recently.  Someone said they didn't know what porkette was.  Then another person said it.  Then another. Then another. WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM?  No,  it's not BBQ.  No, it doesn't have any kind of sauce on it.  IT'S PORKETTE.  Maybe because I grew up in Gibbstown,  the home of the St. Mike's Porkette.  Like the land of the free home of the brave,  except in Gibbstown it's the home of the porkette the land of the broccoli rabe and provolone. 

Porkette is traditionally served on a roll with sharp or mild provolone, broccoli rabe (known to Italians as "broccoli rabb-e"), and/or roasted red peppers.

This recipe is for a party porkette that would serve about 15 people 1 sandwich each.  You can modify this recipe as needed.  I've made 5 pound pork shoulders and just halved the spices, oil, and cooking time.

Porkette

Prep Time: 20 minutes

Cook Time: 20-25 minutes per pound, or 8-10 hours

Serves: 15

Ingredients:
1 9-10lb Pork Shoulder or Butt, bone in
2 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp oregano
1 tbsp salt
1 tbsp pepper
1 tbsp parsley
6 garlic cloves, cut in half
2 pork gravy packets
3 cups water

Directions
1. Take your beautiful pork shoulder out of the wrapping and discard paper.

2.  Cut 12 deep slices in the fat, about 1 inch wide.

3.  Place garlic cloves in the cuts.
4.  Heat a cast iron skillet, dry,  over medium high heat until very hot.
5.  Rub the outside of the pork with olive oil.
6. Mix all spices together.
7.  Pat the spices into the pork shoulder well.
8.  Sear meat on all sides for about 5-7 minutes per side (be careful of burning).

9.  While your meat is searing mix both packets of pork gravy with 3 cups of cold water and pour into crock pot.
10.  Turn the crock pot on low and once the meat is finished searing, place inside of crock pot FAT SIDE UP.

11.  Cook on low, covered, for about 20-25 minutes per pound....an average of 8-10 hours.  Mine cooked just shy of 10 hours because I overslept.  Traditionally a good porkette goes in the crock about 3am and finishes by 4pm.  But---I overslept!  When you remove the pork shoulder the bone should slide right out and the fat should have melted away.  THAT'S AMORE!

12.  Place shredded meat back in crock pot to absorb the juices.

This is my broccoli rabb-e.

The trick is to boil it first for 10-12 minutes, then saute it with garlic and oil.  If you do not boil it first it has a tenancy to be really bitter. 

 

81 Things Girls Need to Hear from Someone Other than their Mother's

          In thinking,  my mom told me a lot of stuff.  Like,  a lot.  I learned most of what I know today from DD.  Big shout to DD,  you are an amazing mother.  However,  you know when your young,  you don't listen.  Period.  There is no exception to that.  You are as likely to listen to your mother as you are to stay up all night trying to learn Vietnamese. Not. Gonna.  Happen.  So,  I think everyone needs someone else unrelated to same the same exact thing to them,  in a more blunt fashion.  I am just the person for that job.

1. Don't Drive Like an Asshole.  Seriously,  Keesha does not need to be at max volume and you don't need to be driving and "texting with your bitches".  Watch the road.
2. Use protection.  STD's and Babies last a lifetime.  That's just self explanatory.
3. Try your damndest to not get pregnant  before you can support a child.  I mean,  YOUR DAMNDEST.  
4. It's okay if he doesn't love you.  Someone else will.
5. This too shall pass.
6. Be motivated.  There is nothing more annoying to hard working, motivated women then women who are lazy.
7. Get a job.  Any job.  Just earn a living.
8. May God give you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change,  the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
9. Be happy with what you have.  So, your car is a 1996 Saturn or a 1990 Chevy Lumina (been there, done that) at least you have a hoopdy.  COULD. BE. WORSE.
10.  Talk like you have some sense.  No seriously, not for "sears".
11. Have fun.  Party.
12. If you do happen to drink,  take two Tylenol before sleep.  It will save your ass the next day.
13. With that, don't get drunk on work nights.
14. Take advice from people who have "been there, done that".  They already have the upper hand.
15. "Shorts and Uggs".  No.  Just stop it.  That fashion statement does not make sense.
16. "Shorts and Uggs" needs two numbers.  Your hot, but your also cold?  We don't get it.
17. Live with a purpose.  Do something, anything.  But make your life worth living.
18. Be adventurous.  Just go out and do something unexpected.  You will have stories to tell later.
19. Don't tell your mom everything.  Believe me, she does not need to know some things.
20.  Don't judge a book by it's cover.  The most unexpected people also have a story to tell.
21. Eat food.  Skinny and deprived of nutrients went out in the 80's.
22. Learn something weird and share it with people.  Like,  that the character Jay Gatsby is based off of the life of Al Capone. 
23. You don't always get what you want, but you always get what you need.
24. Be interesting.  Potted fern plants should be boring, not people.
25. Never depend on anyone else for your own happiness.  People do not think of others happiness as frequently as they think of their own.
26. Pay your bills on time.  Bill collectors are a pain in the ass to deal with.
27. No one is going to buy the cow if your giving the milk away for free.
28. Never change for a man. 
29. Again, this too shall pass.
30. Men do not do or say things with the intention of pissing you off.  No hidden conspiracy theory.  They just say and do things, because they do.
31. At a certain age, switch over to higher quality liquor.  Any jug of vodka that costs $3.99 is going to cause you some real issues the next day.
32. Be respectful of police.  They aren't out to get you.  They are out to keep you safe. Remember that.
33. TAKE NAPS.  Past 25 naps are few and far between.  Take advantage while you still have the time.
34. Take suggestions from others.  This can be anything from movies,  shows, etc.
35. Camp out on the couch and watch more than one season of a show.  
36. Learn how to cook.  Something, anything.  It ain't hard.  Follow my recipes.
37.  Pajamas are for sleep.  They are not for grocery stores, Wawa, CVS, etc.  FOR SLEEP ONLY.
38. Volunteer.  
39. Take every person's advice with a grain of salt.  Your going to do what you want anyway.
40. You cannot base your life off of others expectations of you.  Regret is a hard thing to deal with at 99.
41. Be a better listener than a talker.  
42. People do not want your honest opinion of them.  They may say they do, but they will be mad when you give it.
43. Somethings are better left unsaid.
44. Be present physically and mentally in every single moment.  They only happen once.
45. Have a plan and adjust accordingly.  You cannot predict every single outcome.
46. Have an outlet---something crafy, some sport, some exercise program,  yada yada.
47. When the workday is done, it's done.  Don't take how you feel at work home with you.
48. Tomorrow is a new day.  
49. You will make at least one mistake everyday, learn from it.  
50. Listen to children.  They are meant to be seen and heard.  This goes back to the toy phone--if a child hands you one, pretend to answer it.
51. Be kind to strangers.  Not so kind that you end up in a trunk in another state.  Kind enough to let the world know your not self centered.
52. Your mom is going to say "One day you'll thank me".   She's probably right. Just go with it.
53. Some things are better left unsaid.
54. No question is stupid if you really don't know the answer (I onetime thought a ham was an animal--like a ham walking around with little ham legs).
55. Learn how to love unconditionally and accept unconditional love.
56. Do things without the expectation of something in return.
57. Be a good listener.  So, turn down Keesha or Nicky Minaj when someone else is speaking.
58. Put your phone down and enjoy life.  Otherwise, future generations are going to just evolve into mammals with only opposable thumbs so they can text.
59. Duck faces are only for drinking, not for real life.   
60. Be nice to animals.  They are defenseless. 
61. Laugh as much as you can.  A life lived without laughter is not a life worth living.
62. Try your hardest to not drunk dial or text.  No one wants to wake up in the morning with 55 texts they cannot understand.
63. Do not let yesterday ruin today.  
64. Don't let peoples ideas of who you should love, define who you actually fall in love with.
65. Love who you want, it's your life.
66. Don't discuss politics or religion over dinner, drinks, or with people who are drunk.  That is like sparking World War 3.
67. Hating someone and expecting them to care is like hammering toothpicks under your nails and expecting someone else to feel the pain.
68. Not everyone deserves the title of "friend".
69. You will have a couple really close friends for life--cherish them.  A couple good friends is worth more than a 100 shitty ones.
70. If your life revolves around seeking revenge on someone who has hurt you,  you might as well dig two graves.
71. When someone says "I'll pray for you" in a malicious way, just smile. 
72. Let it go.
73.  Other people's life styles are none of your business.  We all live in glass houses, don't throw stones.
74. Gay people have the right to marry just as much as you have the right to breathe.
75. Mark Wahlberg is god.  Don't you ever try to argue that.
76. Beer on tap is always cheaper then bottled beer.
77. Losing a pet is just as bad as losing a person.  It will hurt like holy hell, but,  like all things--this too shall pass.
78. Your mother is right.  Usually.  If not, don't argue--she'll always win.
79. Go places, but remember where you came from,  Home is truly where the heart is.
80. The heart is one of those amazing human body parts that can still function broken.  A broken heart is not the end.
81. In the end, the people who matter will be by your side if all should come crashing down.

Sausage and Peppers Italiano

I went on a red sauce tangent just recently. Ciopino,  Sausage and Peppers,  Sauce, etc.  It was nuts.  I just couldn't stop myself.   I went HAM.  Or as I say to my students "What the ham samwich".  They get a laugh out of that one.  As well was "cheeseandrice", "oh soup", "oh suga!"  I say weird things to my students.  One time I said to my student (I was asking if she understood) "Ya dig?"  and she said "Sometimes at the beach with my mom."  Valid response,  I'll take it.  I digress...


Well my temporary insanity for red sauce based foods has passed.  So,  I'd like to share this recipe.  It's clean, paleo, yada yada.  Your not sacrificing taste on this one.    You could eat it on a roll with some melted cheese if you want, but I liked it without all that.  With that being said,  I'm not judging you if you do eat it on a roll with cheese.  I live for rolls.  Seeded ones specifically.    I limit them however, otherwise I'd eat a samwich 3 times a day everyday.  If loving rolls is wrong,  I ain't right.

Sausage and Peppers Italiano

Prep: 20 minutes

Cook Time: 1 hour

Serves: 4

Ingredients:
1 pound (about 6 links) Sweet Sausage/Hot Spicy Sausage mix  (I buy the brand that has 3 of each in it)
1 red pepper, cut into strips
1 green pepper, cut into strips
1 yellow pepper, cut into strips
1 pound of sliced and cleaned white mushrooms
1 medium white onion, diced
3-4 cloves of garlic, diced
1 20 or more ounce can of diced tomatoes, with juice
1 tsp or more of red pepper flakes
1 tbsp of Oregano
1 tbsp of Fresh Parsley (can used dried but I think fresh ingredients have better taste), and more for garnish
Salt and Pepper, to taste
Grated Romano Cheese for Garnish


Directions:
1.  Preheat a pan with 1 tsp of oil over medium high heat.
2. While the pan is preheating cut sausage into 1-2 inch slices.
3. Sautee 5-7 minutes until the outside is crispy brown.

4. Remove from pan, set aside.
5.  In the same pan add your peppers and onions,  allowing to sear in the fat from the sausage for about 7-9 minutes--until slightly browned.
6.  Add mushrooms to the same pan and do the same--allowing them to slightly brown. 
7. After all vegetables are browned add all seasonings, and season lightly with salt and pepper.

8.  Add garlic, allowing to cook briefly with vegetables for 1-2 minutes.
9.  Pour in entire can of diced tomatoes with juice.  Add back in the sausage and stir.
10.  Cover with lid and reduce the heat to low.  Cook on low for about 45 minutes to 1 hour, or until the sausage is no longer pink aside.
11.  Serve, garnishing with cheese and parsley. 

Ciopinno

If you love seafood, you are in for a treat.  Ciopinno is a classic fish stew that is made through every nationality.  This happens to be my favorite kind!  My sister made it for me once a couple years back and I have been obsessed ever since.  While the ingredients can be expensive,  it is worth the money.  You really cant beat the smell of tomatoes, garlic, and fresh seafood.  It's a rather quick meal too,  but your company would think it took your hours.    It would be wonderful served with a toasted hearty bread rubbed with garlic and better.  Or a crusty loaf for dipping.

This is very healthy (clean eating, Paleo) and fresh, so there is no guilt here!  Indulge!

Ciopinno

Prep: 10 minutes

Cook Time: Roughly 50 minutes

Serves: 4 large portions

Ingredients:

1 white onion, diced

1 stalk celery, diced

1 large shallot, diced

2 cloves of garlic, diced

1 tbsp butter

1 tbsp oil

1 tsp red pepper flakes, or more to taste

1 tsp parsley, and more for garnishing

1 tsp oregano 

Salt and pepper to taste

2 cups beef broth or stock (homemade preferably)

1 can diced tomatoes, with juice

1 cup clam juice

1 cup diced roasted red peppers (from a jar soaked in water is fine)

1 pound fresh halibut or cod (has to be a thick white fish), cut into thick chunks

1 pound shrimp, cleaned, tails removed, and divined

1 pound sea scallops (not bay scallops, they shrink way too small for this hearty dish)

1 pound fresh mussels, cleaned and scrubbed--shells left on for presentation

Already you are thinking this has a lot of ingredients.  Most of it you should have in your house,  your big purchases should only really be the seafood which will run you about $20.  Purchase it when it is on sale (white fish goes on sale about every two weeks), and frozen mussels are pretty cheap.

Directions: 

1.  Heat olive oil and butter in a deep pan over medium high heat until melted.

2.  Add your diced onion and celery--allow to cook for about 10 minutes until brown.

3. Add your diced shallots, garlic, and diced peppers, stirring frequently until soft--about 5 minutes.

4. Once browned and soft add in diced tomatoes with their juice and beef broth.
5.  Season with salt, pepper, oregano, and parsley.  
6. Reduce heat to simmer with a partially closed lid and allow to cook for approximately 45 minutes. Sitr frequently.

7. Stir in 1 cup of clam juice and allow to cook for 5 more minutes.

8.  Once reduced add your scallops and white fish, cover partially and cook for 5 minutes.

9. After 5 minutes stir in (lightly, don't break up the fish) your shrimp and cleaned mussels and cook for about 5 minutes.

10.  When the mussels open up it's done.  Any mussel that did not open on it's own throw away--IT'S BAD!  You should at least have one or two of these.

 Serve with shells for presentation.  Garnish with cheese and more parsley.

Northern White Beans and Ham with Polenta

If your family is anything like mine I can distinctly remember the smell of bean soup cooking approximately 2 weeks after we had ham for dinner.  This usually occurred sometime after Easter.   Whomever ate over for Easter always "offered" to take that ham bone off my Dad's hand---no no sir, we know your tricks. You want the ham bone so you can make our soup!  Don't you dare.  That ham bone holds the gift that is bean soup,  a deep secret locked inside of it---a family recipe...or actually a mumble jumble of stuff that my dad labeled Bean Soup.  My mom DD hates bean soup--she's cray.

This is my take on bean soup,  because I didn't have a ham bone to cook, because I didn't have ham,  because I would never need an entire ham, because I'm single (no cats yet, which I am proud to report).  Woe is me.

This is easy because it all occurs in the crockpot--HOLLA.  I made this on Sunday and put in the fridge for the week.  I am firm believer some foods get better with time.  I mean a day later, not 6 months later.  Then you'd be cray.

Northern White Beans and Ham with Polenta

Prep: 1 hour 20 minutes

Cook: 8-9 hours

Serves: 4 (1 1/2 cup servings)

Ingredients for Beans:

1 lb bag of dried Northern White Beans

1 1lb package of ham hocks, or a small ham with a bone

1 small white onion, diced

2 tbsp of onion powder

1 tsp of salt

1 tsp of pepper

2 tbsp of grated Parmesan Cheese

6 cups of water 

 

Directions:

1. Rinse and sort through the beans.  Make sure you do not have any stones or dirt in the bag :).

2. Place beans on the bottom of the crockpot.

3. Place the diced onions on top of the beans.

4. Place the hamhocks of the small ham on top of the beans and onions.

5. Sprinkle with all of the seasonings, except the Parmesan cheese.

6.  Pour in 6 cups of water.

7. Cook on low for 8-9 hours, or until the meat falls of the bone.

8.  Remove and discard bones and fat.  Stir meat back into the bean mixture.

9.  Mix in 2 tbsp of Parmesan cheese.

Serve with a crusty bread, or like I did Italian Seasoned Polenta :)  

Ingredients for Polenta:
1lb bag of Polenta
1/2 stick butter
1 tbsp Oregano
1 tbsp of salt
1 tbsp of pepper
1 tbsp of garlic powder

Directions for Polenta:
1. Make the polenta according to the package directions.
2. Right before the polenta is as thick as you want it melt in butter and add in spices.
3. Once the polenta is cooked through,  pour it into a parchment paper lined sheet tray.
4. Cover with foil or plastic wrap, and refrigerate for 1 hour.
5. Slice the polenta as needed----

Pan fried Polenta
1. Heat up one tbsp of olive oil
2.  Place in 1 4 ounce polenta cake and fry on each side for 3-4 minutes, or until golden brown.
3. Dip in your ham and beans :)

Philly Stuffed Peppers

Sometimes, you just get a craving for a cheese steak.  Mine would be provolone, fried onions, and provolone cheese.  This version of the stuffed peppers has all of that, minus the bread, the grease, and above all the REGRET.

Philly Stuffed Peppers

Prep:  10 minutes

Cook Time- 40 minutes

Serves: 3

Ingredients

3 Green Peppers, stems removed and cleaned--cut in halves

1 small white onion

1 container button mushrooms, cleaned and slices

6 slices buffalo mozzarella or whole milk mozzarella

1 lb 8/20 ground beef 

1 tbsp olive oil

Red Chili Flakes,  if you like spice (optional)

Salt and pepper to taste

Directions:

1.  Bring one quart of water to a boil and place your halved green peppers into the water for 5-7 minutes.

2. Remove from water and drop directly into an ice bath--a bowl with ice and water.  This will stop the cooking.

4. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

5. While the oven is preheating saute your mushrooms and onions in 1/2 tbsp of olive oil over medium high heat until they are not as firm and onions are translucent.

4. Remove from pan and set aside.  

5. Cook ground beef without oil in the pan until it is no longer pink.  Drain off excess fat.

6.  Mix onions and mushrooms back in and season with salt and pepper.  

7. On a foil lined baking sheet place six pepper halves on their "backs" so the opening part is facing up.

8. Stuff 1/6 in the mixture in each.  Drizzle stuffed peppers with remaining 1/2 tbsp olive oil.  

9.  Cook for 20 minutes like this.

10. Switch the oven to broil and remove the peppers.

11.  Place one slice of buffalo mozzarella cheese on each stuffed pepper and return to a high rack in the oven to melt the cheese for approximately 3-5 minutes.

Enjoy :)

Nix the cheese for this to be Paleo :)