Hummus Crusted Chicken

This recipe is simple, clean,  and easy to make for several people or for prepping.  I never thought to cook with Hummus before. One day, it dawned on me. Mostly because Pinterest.  Every good idea comes from Pinterest.  Which begs the question---what did we think about before Pinterest?     I saw a homemade hummus recipe while Pinning and I thought---who doesn't know how to make hummus?  Which began to distract me from my original mission which was to get new ideas for chicken.  AND WHA BAM----the two ideas came together like Adam and Eve,  Mariah and Nick Cannon,  Peanutbutter and Jelly, Cleans and Jerks, and Whitney and Bobby.  Yes, it was that iconic.   Almost as brilliant as when Moses parted the red sea.

You could most def. make your own hummus for this.  I did not.  Not because I can't,  I've made hummus a couple times,  but honestly I live by this simple notion:  if it ain't broke, don't fix it.   There is a good reason why I don't make Wonton Soup,  which we've talked about before.  I have no business making wonton soup when Golden Garden does it just fine,  and I got no business making hummus when Sabra does it better than fine.  

Seriously,  the real reason is my intention was not to impress people with this meal.  I live alone.  So any meal I cook that serves 4-5 people,  really serves me 4-5 times during the week.  When I prep all my meals for the week on Sunday,  the last thing I want to do is make life harder.  If I can cut a corner by purchasing something pre-made, like hummus or guac,  I will.   

Hummus Crusted Chicken

Prep: 10 min

Cook: 35-40 minutes

Serves: 4-5

Ingredients:

4-6 chicken breasts, about 3 or 4 lbs.

1 tsp salt

1 tsp black pepper

1 tsp paprika

1 tsp chili powder

1 cup roasted red pepper hummus, homemade or purchased

juice of one lemon

cooking spray

Directions:

1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

2.  While the oven is preheating clean the fat and skin, if necessary, from your chicken breasts.

3. Pat chicken breasts dry.

4. Spray a cast iron skillet (or a baking dish if your not cool enough to have a cast iron) with olive oil cooking spray.

5. Place all of the chicken breasts into the skillet.

6.  Season chicken breasts with the spices: salt, pepper, paprika, and chili powder.

7.  Using the back of a spoon or a spatula smoother the entire cup of hummus over top the chicken breasts.  It will look almost like there is no longer individual chicken breasts, but one big one--see below.

8.  Squeeze the juice of one lemon onto the hummus covered chicken breasts.

9.  Cook for 35-40 minutes or until done. 

10.  Before removing,  switch the oven to Broil and allow the hummus crust to really harden a little bit like bread crumbs--should only take a minute!

Serve with veggies! This is my prepped meals for the week using this 4 ounces of chicken and 1/2 cup of steamed broccoli.

Perfect Pot Roast

To all new cooks, I recommend spending the money and getting a nice dutch oven.  Any meat cooked in a dutch oven is amazing.  I actually got two for Christmas.  Hence, I didn't spend the money to get one.  But looking back now at all those pot roasts in the crock pot,  buying one a long time ago would have been a wise choice.  I got two expensive dutch ovens,  and one is just big enough for a roast and some veggies.  This meal is perfect for a dinner party of four, or for prepping meals for the week.

It's raining today,  which is perfect pot roast weather.  Pot roast has an amazing smell as it cooks.  It fills the whole house with the smell of winter :).  Or,  the smell  of  meat which  equals winter.  Deal with my logic.

Perfect Pot Roast

Prep: 20 minutes

Cook:  3 1/2 hours

Serves: 4-5

Ingredients

3-4lb Bottom Round Roast or Chuck Roast

2 large white onions, diced

4 cloves of garlic, diced

1lb of baby carrots, cut in half

1 tsp or so of salt

1 tsp or so of pepper

2 tsp of Italian Seasoning

2 tsp of Garlic Powder

1/2 cup of Balsamic Vinegar

2 cups water

4 tbsp Tomato Paste

2 tbsp olive oil for browning

Directions

1. Preheat your oven to 275 degrees

2.  Grease the bottom and sides of large dutch oven with two tablespoons olive oil and heat to medium high heat.

3.  Season the roast well with salt, pepper, Italian seasoning, and garlic powder.

4.  Place the roast in the dutch oven, rotating from side to side every 3-4 minutes.  Allow to brown on each side.

5.   Turn the heat down to medium.

6. To dutch oven, add onions and garlic.  Cook for 2-3 minutes, or until translucent.

7.  To the onions and garlic,  mix in Tomato Paste.  Mix the Tomato Paste in well until the onions and garlic have a red tint and there are no chunks of tomato paste in the dutch oven.

8. Add baby carrots and allow the vegetables and meat to cook together for 1-2 more minutes.

9. Add balsamic vinegar and two cups of water.

10.  Place the lid on the dutch oven, and place dutch oven in the 275 degree oven.

11.  Allow the roast to cook for  3 1/2 hours.

12.  Remove from oven and allow to cool with the lid off for 10 minutes.

13.  Shred beef and serve with vegetables and potatoes or brown rice (I ate it all week with brown rice.  I prepped it into containers with 1/2 cup of brown rice and 4 ounces of meat.  This made about 5 containers).

Cabbage "Steaks"

Talia hated when I called these steaks.  Because,  Talia is a hater.  A grinch if you will.  They truly do resemble steaks,  and the cooking is so easy it's comparable to throwing a steak on the grill.  This recipe is delicious as a main course,  or as a side.  It's simple,  repetitively quick,  and looks impressive.   Aside from cabbage,  the ingredients are ones you probably already have in the house.  No muss, no fuss.

I brought these to Thanksgiving and everyone was pretty reluctant to try them.  They look weird,  I am not going to sugar coat it.  One person said the picture looks like that of a hoochie whooooo (if your picking up what I am throwing down).  It's not that beautiful,  but it's delicious.  Once people get over the whole look of it,  it's addictive.

Cabbage Steaks

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Cook Time: 35-45 minutes

Serves- 5-8 (2 steaks each)

Ingredients:

2 heads Green/White Cabbage

Pam (or other brand) oil cooking spray

4 tbsp Olive oil

4 tbsp Red Wine Vinegar

1 tbsp Oregano

1 tsp salt (always better to put less,  than to add too much--guests or you can add more after cooking,  but you can never take "too much" out

1 tsp pepper

1/2 tsp red pepper flakes

Directions:

1.  Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

2. While your oven is preheating,  spray two baking sheets with Pam or other olive oil spray.

3.  With both heads of cabbage,  remove the outer layers of leaves---probably about 8-10 leaves from each.  You really want a solid base and the core.  Any leaf that is "kinda" falling off, get rid of.

4.  On each head of cabbage,  cut 1 inch thick slices.  

5.  Place all of the cabbage slices on the cooking sheets and put about a finger or two space between each so they cook and not steam each other (vegetables in a high heat oven too close together steam,  not bake).

6.  While your oven is still preheating,  mix the following:  All of the Olive oil, red wine vinegar,  oregano, red pepper flakes,  salt, and pepper together in a shallow bowl.

7.  Make sure to mix the mixture very well.  Spoon the mixture over top of the cabbage steaks,  making sure that when you dip your spoon into the mixture you pull from the bottom to the top. 

 Why you ask?  If you just dip your spoon in the top you will only be putting oil on the cabbage,  since oil and vinegar separate and vinegar sinks to the bottom.  Get that spoon for ladling over the cabbages all the way down to the bottom of the bowl and pull up.---Side note---have you ever gotten a greek salad at a diner and it comes out covered in oil,  but no vinegar?  That's because the greek dressing seperates with the oil rising to the top and the vinegar sinking to the bottom.  If the person putting the dressing on doesn't put the spoon all the way in the dressing then you end up with just oil.  That was your science lesson of the day---don't forget it.

8.  Place both pans in the oven,  one on top and one on bottom.  Cook both for 20-25 minutes,  and switch them so both pans have a chance to keep the crispy cooking power of the upper rack.

9.  This timing isn't an exact science,  when you see the cabbage start to wilt and get black around the corner's it's done.  It took mine about 40-45 minutes for this to happen.

Chicken Cacciatore with Prosciutto

This is a fantastic, easy, and relatively quick meal.  It uses most of the ingredients you may already have lying around,  minus the Prosciutto which you may have to purchase.  I'm a dego so I happened to have prosciutto lying around.  Just kidding,  I bought it from this amazing flat bread idea in my head that turned out horribly.  Ah,  you win some you lose some.  With this recipe however, I won.  I made this when my friend Alli Paul came over. Alli eats generally clean,  so it was my task to make a totally clean dish for her and I.    This delicious dish has a load of vegetables,  which makes it very filling with the two proteins.   This is an awesome reheat too, so perfect for all you meal preppers!  

I love the clean eating aspect of this,  especially since it is all fresh vegetables.  You are not missing anything without a starchy carb like pasta, which is typically served with this dish in a restaurant.   You could certainly make it with quinoa.  But then it wouldn't be paleo (but seriously,  who gives a shit?).  For now this recipe is clean,  paleo and gluten free----yada yada yada (Jerry-you yada'd over the best part Elaine- No I mentioned the soup).

Chicken Cacciatore with Prosciutto 

Prep: 30 minutes

Cook: 1 hour

Serves: 4-5

Ingredients:

1 lb chicken breast, cleaned (about 4 medium thickness)

1/4 lb Domestic Prosciutto (if your rich you can get imported--the difference is about $5 a pound)

1 large White Onion

3 Small Cloves Garlic, or 1/12 large ones
2 Shallots

1lb Sliced White Mushrooms

4 cups Fresh Spinach (about 1 bag)

2 cups Roasted Rep Peppers (mine I made, but the jarred in water would work fine)

4 cups fresh Broccoli 

2 tbsp Olive Oil, divided

12 oz Tomato Sauce (Tuttoroso is my favorite)

4 Tbsp Tomato Paste (I use this kind...

1/2 tsp Red Pepper Flakes
1/2 tbsp parsley 

Salt and Pepper for Seasoning

2 Bay Leaves

Directions:

1. In a large sauce pot heat 1/2 tbsp of olive oil over medium high heat

2.  Throw in Mushrooms and sauteed 4-5 minutes,  until a little brown around the edges.  

3. While that is happening dice your garlic, shallots, and onions,  place on a separate cutting board.

4. Remove mushrooms and set aside on a separate plate.

5.  Add 1/2 tbsp of olive again to the sauce pot and allow to heat over medium high heat.

6.  Throw broccoli in sauce pan and allow to saute for about 7-10 minutes, or until also a little brown (do not cook all the way through, you do not want them to turn to mush in your finished product).  Throw in spinach for one minute and allow it to wilt a little.
7.  Set aside on the same plate as the mushrooms.
8.  Again,  heat 1/2 tsp of olive oil over medium high heat.
9.  Throw in prosciutto and allow to saute about 5 minutes.
10.  While prosciutto is browning,  clean and cut your chicken breast into large strips.  

11.  When prosciutto a little brown around the edges throw in garlic and onions from the cutting board,  adding 1/2 more of olive oil.  Let that all cook together until fragrent.  Season with salt and pepper and 1/2 tbsp parsley, lightly.

12.  Remove prosciutto and place on the same plate with the other veggies (it should start to look like a big pile). 

14. For the last time,  heat 1/2 tbsp olive oil over medium high heat. 

15.  Season chicken well with salt, pepper, and red pepper flakes.

16. Saute in olive oil about 5 minutes on each side.  Until lightly fried and brown on each side.
17.  This is where it gets super easy----mix in the 4 tbsp of tomato paste with the chicken.
18.  Put all your vegetables from the plate plus your roasted red peppers into the sauce pot with the chicken.

19. Cover with tomato sauce.
20.  Add bay leaves.

21.  Cover with lid and cook over medium high heat, stirring occasionally,  for 1 hour. 
22.  Remove bay leaves and serve.

Spicy Chicken Stew

I don't even really know what to say about this besides I love soup and stew.  All kinds.  The only kind of soup I don't fancy is gazpacho.  I've tried, believe me.  It's cold.  Cereal should be cold.  Not soup.  Maybe one of you can rock my world with your famous gazpacho,  but for now no I don't like it.  I dare you to wow me. 

This recipe is really  a one pot wonder.  Last Thursday Kevin made chilli,  which I also love.  The spice in it was awesome,  and it really inspired this recipe.  Kevin and I are kind of on par with our cooking abilities,  except that he thinks outside the box even more than I do.  His cooking is always unique,  and yummy.  I've never been unhappy with something he's made me.  And come on, he's a man who can cook.  What is their not to love?  You don't have an answer for that. Well, neither do I.  With that being said,  thanks bub for the inspiration.

The stewed tomatoes in this are awesome because they add a touch of sweetness.  The sweet and spicy really does a number on your tongue that's awesome.  This recipe does call for flour,  but think of the serving size.  This stew could serve 10 people, so the flour in it is really minimal in comparison with the entire recipe.  If you want to make it just soup, omit the flour and butter (rue).

Add potatoes and wow a crowd, or like me make the whole pot Sunday to eat during the week.  It made four 2 cups containers,  plus one wonton soup container.  This is a total side note, but I have an obsession with Wonton Soup and the containers which they come in.  I'd eat it every morning for breakfast if I had a resident Chinese Wonton Soup maker in my house.  A girl can dream....

Spicy Chicken Stew

Prep: 10 minutes, plus 30 minutes for chicken to cool

Cook: 3 hours, 40 minutes (roughly)

Serves:  8-10

Ingredients:

1 Whole Chicken,  4-5 pounds

6 8 ounce cans of Sliced Stewed Tomatoes

2 cups Chicken Stock (homemade if you have it)

2lb of Sliced White Button Mushrooms

1 bag of Petite Carrots

2 Medium White Onions

1 Bag of Celery, Cleaned with stems removed

4 large Cloves of Garlic

1 tsp olive oil

2 tbsp Paprika, divided

1 1/2 tsp Red Pepper Flakes (or less if you can't handle the heat)

3 Large Bay Leaves

4 tbsp Butter

1/2 cup Flour (you could try to use Almond Meal, but I can't guarantee that will make a rue)

Salt and pepper for seasoning

Parsley for Serving

Directions:

1. Heat a large stock pot over medium high heat with 1 tsp of olive oil.

2. While your oil is slowly heating clean and dice: celery, onions, and garlic.

3. In the pot add in Mushrooms, Onions, Carrots (I keep mine whole since they cook down),  and Celery.  Do not add garlic just yet.

4. Season with salt and pepper.

5. Allow to cook about 4-5 to minutes stirring throughout to avoid burning.

6. While your veggies are sauteing clean and wash your chicken, removing the bag inside or the liver and shit.  Older people enjoy chicken livers, if you know one you can save it for them, otherwise chuck it.

7. After your veggies have sauteed in the olive oil add in your garlic.  Season with 1 tbsp Paprika and 1 1/2 tsp red pepper flakes.

8. Allow garlic to cook 2 minutes, or until fragrant.

9. Once fragrant,  place your chicken breast side up on top of the vegetables.  Season with more salt and pepper,  and the remainder of the paprika.

10.  Pour all stewed tomatoes and all chicken stock into pot.

11.  Add in 3 Bay Leaves (no matter how many you use remember the number so you can remove them at the end).

12. Place lid on top and allow to boil over medium high heat for 3 hours.

13.  After 3 hours remove the chicken to a separate plate to cool for picking.  Make sure you get all of the bones.

14.   Allow chicken to cool uncovered.

15.  In the microwave heat 4 tbsp of butter.  After it is melted whisk in 1/2 cup flour.   Once it becomes tight it is now a rue.  Drop this into the soup and allow it to continue to boil. In about 30 minutes, the rue will have thickened your soup into a stew.

16. Once the chicken is cooled pull it apart with your hands,  discarding bones and fat.  

17.  Place chicken back in stew to heat through,  about 10 minutes.

18. Serve with parsley as a garnish

I Remember the First Time I Thought I was Fat

   Isn't it funny how you remember things from such a long time ago? How every so often your mind brings up this memory you have stored somewhere deep within it?  It's like our brains subtle way of telling us "Hey,  you ain't all that.  I can prove it. Remember when...."

   The memory I'd like to share with my dedicated readers is well over twenty years old.  It's one of those memories that you only think about once every four years.  But once every four years, it hits you in the gut like a brick.  You remember exactly how you felt in that moment,  and every time you remember it you wanna go HAM.

   I was in gym class as a little tyke doing the Sit and Reach. Even to this day I ponder the genius behind the Sit and Reach. When in life will I need to know how far I can sit on my ass and reach past my toes?  When in life will I need to know how long I will need to hold myself on a bar for the flexed arm hang? Besides in the pending Zombie Apocalypse....which is a whole different ball game,  and even then I highly doubt being able to sit on my ass and reach past my toes will even help me. Who knows,  maybe I'm under estimating the Sit and Reaches value to my life.  DOUBTFUL.

   Anyway,  I was a little wee one in this memory,  maybe 7 years old.  The whole class was sitting behind me in a neat line (why are schools so anal about quiet, neat, lines of children anyway?) discussing whatever the topic of the month was--- Saved By the Bell, Pogs,  Tickle Me Elmo,  Tamagachis, Furbies....

   I sat on my rear and reached to the ominous yard stick someone had taped to a foam long square.  The goal of the sit and reach is to see how far you can touch on this self made yard stick foam square thing.  I reached....1.  Other kids bent into pretzels and reached 6 inches, 10 inches, 12 inches.  I reached 1.  I tried and I tried and I tried.  My body just wouldn't bend like that. To this day, it doesn't.  Well,  as a child the yearly Physical Fitness Assessment was basically like the Olympics for 6-14 year olds.  The Physical Fitness Assessment was life in the world of Elementary Education Physical Education.  And,  I had failed. Essentially,  I had failed at life at that moment according to standard archaic gym practices.

   So,  I stood very gingerly and walked myself to the back of the line fighting back my tears. And,  do you know what my gym teacher said to me?  She said "Elyse,  that's what we call no Flexibility".   She didn't say it to just me.  She said it to this entire line of neatly seated children who were staring at me.  If I was witty then as I am now I may have responded "Hey lady,  take a walk with your matching neon swooshy tracksuit with geometric shapes" or I would have walked to the back of the line and said to my best friend Hozz "Thisssss bitchhhhhh".  But,  I didn't.  I just sat down and I didn't cry. Big girls don't cry. 7 year old children don't cry.  Now they do, but when I was 7 we were taught to keep it all in.  We were taught that emotions aren't for outsiders.  Now we teach kids cry about everything,  which I also don't necessarily agree with but that's a different blog post entirely.

   Isn't it funny to this day I can still remember that happening? I can still remember the discoloration of the wooden gym floor as I walked to the back of the line with my head down. I still remember the dumbass yard stick taped to the dumbass foam thing that was rectangular and blue.  I still remember the color of this idiot's matching swooshy track suit (neon blue with green geometric shapes). That night I decided well I am not flexible, so I must be too fat to be flexible.  I WAS 7 AND I DECIDED I WAS FAT.  IF I WAS FAT,  I HAD TO BE UNWORTHY.

Look at this kid:

     Was I fat then TRACK SUIT LADY?  No way.  As far as I was concerned,  I was the best that ever did it. Still am.  Okay, take into account that I did not learn how to smile until well into my 20's.  Every picture I have that same smile.  It took me awhile.  Regardless of the smile,  I wasn't fat.  I just wasn't flexible.  I'm still not.

     Look at that bowl cut.  It was ON POINT. No one back then had a better little boy cut. Maybe they were more flexible,  but as for my hair I was queen.  Like Beyonce,  if my hair would have been recognized for what it really was they would have called me Queen Bey.  Was I fat then?  Nope.  But,  I constantly felt fat. Talia was so tall and lanky,  and I was so short and so stubby.   I was always short. I always had these chubby little cheeks that would make Santa Clause jealous.  To this day I still joke that if I laugh too hard I cry because my cheeks are so chubby they shut my eyes when I chuckle a good chuck.


My weight has fluctuated throughout the years. Up and down, always usually landing at the same spot.   Down, up, down, up, down, up.   I spent a lot of time blaming one of three things:

1. I'm "big boned"
2. I have bad genes
3. I do everything right,  why me!?!


     Of course,  anyone on the same path I am knows these are all outward lies.  I've internalized these lies day after day,  and told myself them day after day.  It's okay Elyse,  your big boned.  It's okay Elyse, you got the shit end of the stick as far as genes go.  It's okay Elyse,  you just had 5 beers,  it doesn't make sense that you gained 1/2 a pound,  it's the scales fault.  Ladies,  let's stop lying to ourselves.  We are in charge of our health destiny.  We decide weather we can be buried in a regular size coffin, or an extra large one.  We decide HOW, WHEN, AND WHERE we reach our fitness goals.  Not destiny, not genes,  and not the "size" of your bones.

     My point in this blog post I think is, there is always someone who is going to make you feel like an inflexible seven year old.  There is always going to be haters.  There are always going to people trying to steal your bowl cut shine.    Don't let them.  Tell them haters to take a walk.  It's your journey, not theirs.

     My second point of this article is...words truly do hurt.  My mom always said kill them with kindness.  Perhaps this gym teacher,  who I have yet to name,  was instead told Kill their spirits.   If you have a daughter or are a teacher guard your words,  for your words become their thoughts.

Crossfit: Pushing through the Pain

 Disclaimer:  if you came to this blog with the hope I renounced my dedication to Crossfit, you'd be wrong. If your here in hopes of hearing how bad crossfit is for you,  you won't get it from me.   Sorry,   Your reading the wrong blog if those were your ill conceived dreams. 

    I used to think how good I was at Crossfit was directly dependent on how hard I pushed.  I pushed,  boy did I push.    I kept my injury a secret for a very long time.  I kept it to myself and pushed,  and pushed,  and pushed.  I announced my pain only in the expression my face gave when I picked up things from the ground.  Even that,  I controlled.  I'd breathe really hard in and out of my mouth to keep from showing the pain.  I sometimes made what people would call a fish face.  It was better than the "fuck that hurt face".   Neither are attractive I assume.   I cannot blame my coaches,  how could they know how bad it was?  I never said a word about it.  I kept to myself,  cracking my usual jokes,  making the group laugh....  until,  it became all I could think about.  I finally had to announce my pain when mid back squat in June I started to silently sob to myself.  I had to walk it outside,  I have an ugly cry face.  I couldn't let my fellow crossfitters see that ugly cry face that they didn't understand.  Why the shit is she crying?  is all I kept thinking.

    Sure I can push press a small man or middle school aged child,  but what did it cost me?  I'll tell you--the ability to bend over and tie my sneakers.  I mostly just tie them when they are off, then violently try to jam my foot into them.   If my windows were open it probably sounds to my neighbors that I am mercifully jamming a puzzle piece into the wrong puzzle place.  Just,  with a ton of force.  Maybe even trying to stomp in said puzzle piece with my feet.

    I'm strong.  It's who I am in Crossfit.  Without how strong I am,  what am I? I am sure as shit not fast.   My nephew Santino who is 8 months old sometimes can move faster than me. Put him in his bouncy thing on wheels and he's basically lapping me.  I never have been fast.  I tried to join the running program at Crossfit Solstice,  but alas had to drop out.   It was fine at first.  I would do the prescribed running and feel great,  until the next day when my back would throb.  It got to the point that every time my left foot hit the pavement,  it was a spike was being driven into my back right around above my ass cheek.  Still..I kept pushing..do you know what it got me?  The need to attempt to pick up things I drop with my feet instead of bending over and picking it up with my hands.  I've become what most would call a gorilla using my feet for most tasks the require the normal person to bend at 90 degree angle. 

    So,  I'm not fast.  That was decided at a young age when doing the shuttle run in grade school.  I had to be strong.  My friends are all planning their weddings and I'm planning how I can be one of those strong men who pulls a mac truck behind me as I walk.    So,  when I realized my back pain had gotten so bad that I may never be able to pull that god damn mac truck,  I became depressed.  It was summer,  and I wasn't working.  Sometimes I'd sleep until 11,  only to move to the couch to watch 12 episodes of Game of Thrones,  and order take out.  Are you thinking,  oh my god poor baby you couldn't crossfit?  You poor thing (your mocking me assface).

    No, that's not what I was depressed about.  I was depressed because I couldn't sleep.  Sleep, aside from Holly Grimes,  is my best friend.  I love everything about a good night of undisturbed sleep.    Sleep is my crack.  When I got myself this severely hurt,  I couldn't even sleep.    Most nights I'd toss from my back,  to my stomach, to my side, to jamming a pillow between my legs,  to flipping this pillow thing I had created to my other side...to 4am and full blown sobbing.  Like,  the cries of a dying animal.  No, not because I couldn't Crossfit,  but because the injuries I had repeatedly inflicted on myself took away the one thing I love most in the world:  sleep.

   Midway through blog,  are you thinking---Crossfit hurts people.  That's what it does.  No.  Your wrong.  I did not get hurt at Crossfit.  I slipped my first disc when I was 18.  I was drinking (as most stories start) and I fell down a flight of steps.  More then fell, I flew down a flight of steps.  I'm 100% sure I didn't even hit one step on the way down.  From the first step to the cold concrete floor I flew like friggan Peter Pan.  If Peter Pan had drank too much of a $5.25 Vladimir Vodka Handle.    From 18,  I've inflicted and repeated and irreversible damage to said discs.     Picking things up, putting them down. Starting at the top of the stairs, falling to the bottom.

   When examining my MRI there is one disc which would be the red headed step child.  It's black,  and flat,  and pinching my spine.  It took a doctor looking at it and being like "seriously?"  for me to get it.  I started getting epidural shots in my back.  It was like when someone tells Will Farrel that Santa is here in the movie Elf.  I was so excited.  THIS IS GOING TO FIX ME.  Womp,  womp, womp.  First shot didn't take.  For about 45 minutes I felt like I could rule the world.  Then I was back to the couch,  but this time watching Say Yes to the Dress for 12 consecutive hours.   I don't even like those shows.  But once you watch one show,  you must see the entire series.  It's like Law and Order SVU.  SVU marathons are deadly.  I would become a hermit if those were on every single day.

    Do you know when my pity party finally had to end?  When no one showed up to join in my self inflicted misery.  When I had to put on my pants (I was inside a lot,  so I quit wearing pants all together) and prep my meals like Ron Orbin had taught me.  When I had to measure every single thing I ate to make sure I wasn't getting cray.  When Justin Vee told me no.  When he told me I couldn't do something because he knew it would hurt me.   When someone finally stood up to how god damn dumb I was being.  That's what crossfit is about.   It's about listening to your coaches.  It's about trusting that someone else knows what is best for you.  It's also about not always being right.  I thought I was right for a long time.  Because of how dumb I was,  I have to get another shot in my back.

   Pray for me,  and my doctor.  Last time he gave me the shot I apparently talked to him all about Mexican Food while under the influence of that drug propofol.   From here on out,  it's all about modifying and knowing my limits.  It's all about using my head,  and not using my ego to lift weights.  Am I going to miss being one of the strongest women in the gym?  Of course I will.  However,  I miss being able to tie my own shoes and pick up things I drop much more.  I am however getting pretty good at using my feet to pick things up.  I'd make king kong jealous. 

        I miss sleeping the most.  I miss sleep like a fat kid in camp misses cake.  And Gummy Bears. And Twix.  And Peachie O's.  And beer.  Ahh I think I am talking about me now and not the fictional fat kid in camp....